Hunting

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the national highest ivilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say " All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the balls to do it".
In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually.

The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at hefty price,
sales have been brisk and it is believed it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps. Be sure to keep in mind the fair chase provisions of lawyer hunting. No hunting within 100 yards of a traffic accident or job injury site as this is considered hunting over a baited field.

more giggles

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available
right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some
changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not
return your call, you are one of the changes."
~~~~~
At pilots' training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to
keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs
you make.~~~~~
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing
his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said,
"I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."

"No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like
it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we
passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that,
we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my
son, "We should pray."

>From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't
let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your
way around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer
for her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to
find one.