her's another email: can you read this???
Olny srmat poelpe can.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and
lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
if you can raed tihs psas it on !!
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
modern mysteries
Here's another one of those emails that might be thought provoking- or at least have you laughing!
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale
bread to begin with.
10. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
person who drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety one"?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,
and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald
men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older, then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for
their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they
delivered the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is
winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
30. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale
bread to begin with.
10. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
person who drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety one"?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,
and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald
men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older, then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for
their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they
delivered the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is
winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
30. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Friday, December 30, 2005
women's wisdom
here's another bit of internet wisdom:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.
A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend
because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage, Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.
A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend
because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage, Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage
Friday, December 23, 2005
Christmas poem
Mary had a little Lamb,
He was born on Christmas day.
She laid him in a manger bed
To Sleep upon the hay.
Angels filled the night-time sky
And they began to sing.
Shepherds heard them all proclaim
The birthday of a King.
Wise men saw a blazing star
Up in the sky that night.
They followed it until they found
The King of love and light.
Mary had a little Lamb,
But He wasn't hers, you know,
He was the very Son of God,
The One who loves us so.
The Father of this little Lamb
Loved the world so much
That He sent his only Son to earth
So we could feel His touch.
He came to give us joy and peace
And take away our sin.
So when He knocks on your heart's door,
Be sure to let Him in.
Why do I love this precious Lamb?
What can the reason be?
The answer is quite plain to see,
It's because He first loved me!
He was born on Christmas day.
She laid him in a manger bed
To Sleep upon the hay.
Angels filled the night-time sky
And they began to sing.
Shepherds heard them all proclaim
The birthday of a King.
Wise men saw a blazing star
Up in the sky that night.
They followed it until they found
The King of love and light.
Mary had a little Lamb,
But He wasn't hers, you know,
He was the very Son of God,
The One who loves us so.
The Father of this little Lamb
Loved the world so much
That He sent his only Son to earth
So we could feel His touch.
He came to give us joy and peace
And take away our sin.
So when He knocks on your heart's door,
Be sure to let Him in.
Why do I love this precious Lamb?
What can the reason be?
The answer is quite plain to see,
It's because He first loved me!
Too old to gig?
This was sent by a musician friend:
You know you're too old to gig when:
It becomes more important to find a place onstage for your box fan, than your amp.
You refuse to play out of tune.
Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
Your fans have left by 10:30 p.m.
All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
Your aftershow party is at the International House of Pancakes
You love taking the elevator because you can sing along to most of your play list.
You hire band members for their values instead of their talent.
Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
You've lost the directions to the gig.
You need your glasses to see your amp settings.
You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
You're thrilled to have New Year's Eve off.
The waitress is your daughter.
You stop the set because your bottle of Ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
You no longer use a tip jar.
You refuse to play without earplugs.
You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m .
You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
Your gig stool has a back.
You're related to at least one other member of the band.
You need a nap before the gig.
You don't let anyone "sit in."
After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
During the breaks, you now go to your van to lay down.
You prefer a music stand with a light.
You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
You can't operate without a set list.
You have a contract.
You say you double on bass.
You know you're too old to gig when:
It becomes more important to find a place onstage for your box fan, than your amp.
You refuse to play out of tune.
Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
Your fans have left by 10:30 p.m.
All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
Your aftershow party is at the International House of Pancakes
You love taking the elevator because you can sing along to most of your play list.
You hire band members for their values instead of their talent.
Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
You've lost the directions to the gig.
You need your glasses to see your amp settings.
You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
You're thrilled to have New Year's Eve off.
The waitress is your daughter.
You stop the set because your bottle of Ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
You no longer use a tip jar.
You refuse to play without earplugs.
You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m .
You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
Your gig stool has a back.
You're related to at least one other member of the band.
You need a nap before the gig.
You don't let anyone "sit in."
After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
During the breaks, you now go to your van to lay down.
You prefer a music stand with a light.
You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
You can't operate without a set list.
You have a contract.
You say you double on bass.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
modern myths or facts?
Ok well, you know how you get emails from folks with wierd but possibly true facts, lots of jokes and more. I've decided to stop storing them on my hard drive and put them here.
So here is the first one:
Did You Know That? Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache
pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by
traditional "pain relievers."
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with
mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong
Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in
1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as
a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take
1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer . Just dissolve two
tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms.
Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost
instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this
use. (Note: Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and
contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)
Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey
and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin
sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail
fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful
antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from
loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to
the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just
saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The
phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps,
hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the
insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground
instantly.
Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the
splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter
sticks to the dried glue.
Hunt's tomato paste boil cure....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste
as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the
boil to a head.
Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few
drops of Listerine ... a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and
apply it to the bruise for 1 hour.. The vinegar reduces the blueness and
speeds up the healing process.
Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a
few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse
well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor... Next time your dog comes in from the
rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet,
instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
Eliminate ear mites... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in
your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat
daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites,
and accelerates healing.
Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix
2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the
microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your
hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
So here is the first one:
Did You Know That? Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache
pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by
traditional "pain relievers."
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with
mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong
Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in
1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as
a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take
1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer . Just dissolve two
tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms.
Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost
instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this
use. (Note: Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and
contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)
Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey
and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin
sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail
fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful
antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from
loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to
the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just
saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The
phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps,
hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the
insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground
instantly.
Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the
splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter
sticks to the dried glue.
Hunt's tomato paste boil cure....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste
as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the
boil to a head.
Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few
drops of Listerine ... a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and
apply it to the bruise for 1 hour.. The vinegar reduces the blueness and
speeds up the healing process.
Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a
few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse
well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor... Next time your dog comes in from the
rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet,
instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
Eliminate ear mites... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in
your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat
daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites,
and accelerates healing.
Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix
2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the
microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your
hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
Monday, December 19, 2005
south jersey
Was invited to dinner 12/17 in Haddonfield at CORKS. very good food! mix of asian influences and american. thought that there was jazz on saturday nights but it is on fridays.....after went to the Collins House in Merchantville to hear Dick Gratton play guitar with Arlan Joy vocalizing. Great music and heard that the restaraunt is very good.
Friday, November 11, 2005
jazz in trenton
Wilbo Wright and John Sheridan at the Mill Hill in Trenton. always great music!
worked late so only heard the end of the set. jazz fans need to show up for these events. know it's tough because Mill Hill doesn't advertise... so call them to find out what's up!!!
Mill hill is doing a saturday am jazz series with some great artists but it's doomed to fail becaus eof the weird time!
worked late so only heard the end of the set. jazz fans need to show up for these events. know it's tough because Mill Hill doesn't advertise... so call them to find out what's up!!!
Mill hill is doing a saturday am jazz series with some great artists but it's doomed to fail becaus eof the weird time!
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
art trip
Went to the Metropolitan to see the Van Gogh drawings show. Astounding! Must see for anyone who likes Van gogh at all.
Friday, November 04, 2005
jazz in princeton
Pat Metheny at McCarter - Antonio Sanchez and Christian McBride. Pat has a big following in Princeton because no tickets were available , only standing room. (Those who know McCarter know what I am talking about.) David Sanchez joined in later in the set. A wonderful night of great jazz!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Guy Fawkes night
Really had no idea what it would be like, just went for the fun of it. At the Ship Inn, a good time is had by all. You can read about Guy Fawkes if you like.
The Irish duo, Pointin was there to keep us entertained during our medieval feast. Sat with some gentlemen from the British Isles who said the bonfires in England were too large to believe on this holiday there. I said if the fire were any larger, the firetrucks would be called out!
Wonderful food and the ales are always good.
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